Matt's Journal

I stopped by the large Federal office building near church after livestreaming the mass to get a National Parks pass from the BLM – I’m 62 now. The guards said they were not staffed due to Covid-19, but kindly pointed me to a sheet of paper with the BLM contact information, and I have sent them an email. I could always go online to get what I want but wanted to do it in person to get the card in hand and to save the $10 “convenience” fee.

I then came home. Will was busy last night; there are boxes everywhere. Laura said to tell him thanks and remind him of the garage storage she cleared out. Can we get more closet shelves, she asked. If so we can use them more efficiently. They’re nice closets. I’ve gotten multiple unexpected compliments on them.

Taking a class on happiness is one sure way to be less happy. I’m happiest when doing something, not necessarily something intense but something. Paying too much attention to my happiness, and especially trying to directly increase it, usually backfires. But I know indirect but effective ways to improve my mood – a walk, writing (usually) work reliably. A cup of coffee or tea helps. A drink of water can help, surprisingly.

So, give myself a break from seeking happiness and let it sneak up on me.

Today’s mass videocast went well, as usual. I now know where the loft key is. Chuck showed me. Art presided over the mass and Laura was there. He frames things in a calm, wider and more abstract manner that helps you cope with them. Not a word about specifics, about George Floyd or the related racial happenings, but instead about making things fair in our society for all especially those who have not been treated fairly. For some reason this is good. It calms and yet can activate, and it gives perspective. Standing back and taking a broader perspective helps.

I liked serving old people, white or black or whatever, with RTS and Loaves and Fishes. It has widened my perspective and has helped me see the humanity of African Americans more than anything else. I mean humanity as both good and bad. I mean seeing them as people like the others I know. Our segregation, defacto and legal, has been a great obstacle to reform. Most of our F Street neighbors were all of Mexican origin and we knew them as people…Mr John, Connie, even Leo. Al. Leo would drive us nuts sometimes but he was ok. The same here at this house. It would be very good if our races just lived closer together, assuming we could do so peacefully. If African Americans tend to be loud in voice and habit, that could be an obstacle to peaceful living together – unless you were hard of hearing in which case it might be a boon!

I confess to prejudice against blacks, and I know where it came from — I grew up in the South and saw it all the time and it was ubiquitous and taken for granted. Awareness is a first step to change. I’m very aware of it and by broadening my exposure and acquaintance I have begun to rectify my views. Laura is much more open than me, as is Will. I hope to learn from them too.

I in turn have advantages of my own, that they can learn from in other ways. When I use my skills to help someone, white or black, it feels great. When a black person shows me how to do something or lets me help them on a project they own, I am grateful. This is normal human stuff and it builds the bridges we need.